Redneck Christmas Songs

A play on Christmas songs! I have two favourites! :D

Rusty Chevrolet

DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW
IN MY RUSTY CHEVROLET
DOWN THE ROAD I GO
SLIDING ALL THE WAY
I NEED NEW PISTON RINGS
I NEED SOME NEW SNOW TIRES
MY CAR IS HELD TOGETHER
BY A PIECE OF CHICKEN WIRE

CHORUS:
RUST AND SMOKE THE HEATER'S BROKE
THE DOOR JUST BLEW AWAY
I LIGHT A MATCH TO SEE THE DASH
AND THEN I START TO PRAY
THE FRAME IS BENT THE MUFFLER WENT
THE RADIO IT'S OK
OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO DRIVE
THIS RUSTY CHEVROLET

I WENT TO THE IGA
TO GET SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER
I JUST PASSED UP MY LEFT FRONT TIRE
AND ITS GETTING HARD TO STEER
SKIDDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY
RIGHT PAST THE NEGAUNEE COPS
I HAD TO DRAG MY SWAMPERS
TO GET THE CAR TO STOP

(REPEAT CHORUS)

BOUNCING THROUGH THE SNOWDRIFTS
IN A BIG BLUE CLOUD OF SMOKE
PEOPLE LAUGH AS I DRIVE BY
I WONDER WHAT'S THE JOKE
I GOT TO GET TO SHOPKO
TO PICK UP THE LAYAWAY
CAUSE SANTA CLAUS IS COMING SOON
IN HIS BIG OLD RUSTY SLEIGH

(REPEAT CHORUS)

And

12 Redneck days of Christmas

Wow, somebody done been to the WalMart!
(Jeff) Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Hey Bubba, you got gypped -- there's 12 days to Christmas.
(Jeff) I know that, I got it covered. Look over in the corner.
That's yours too?
Yea!

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Man, this ain't normal Christmas presents!
No, they're redneck gifts!
Redneck gifts?
Yea, you know, like
if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures.
Or, if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells"
Perhaps if you think "The Nutcracker" is something you did off a high-dive.
Or, if you've ever misspelled something in Christmas lights.
Or, if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.

What's wrong with that?
I didn't say anything wrong with it...
It's hard to beat...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Well, you can't really consider it a Christmas
'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mama.
You're not listenin' to me!
Get the car key outta your ear.
That's where the nine years probation comes in...
I'm gonna do it for ya again.
Now listen...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Name that Carol

Congrats to rottiegirl/no1thinker (Claudette) who knew that

He'll stroke his beard His eyes will glow And at your name he'll peer It takes time you know

was from the song "When Santa Clause gets your Letter"

Today's Song:

You can leave you answer in your comments or pm me.

Make mommy's life a song
Keep my daddy safe and strong
Let me have them all year long

Good Luck. If you need a hint just pm me.

Joke of the Day

Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus traveling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a £5 note lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
Santa of course, the other two don't exist!

TTFN, Lexi :P